Wednesday, April 16, 2014

We can do anything...together.

This FA thing has been in my life long enough now that I can recognize when I am allowing it to "trap" me. It can really trip me up and mess with my mind. It's scary how quickly my thoughts are consumed by the negative of FA. I am amazed how effortlessly I discover the darkness in life. It is as if I can't see anything good about this journey. I utter or even scream the words through my tears, "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!" It feels as if NOTHING is good in my life. I believe in the lie that things can not possibly get better.
As a counselor, my goal with the clients I see is to encourage them to play a new tape. It's a whole different story when you're the one doing the listening to the recording of lies.
I fell tonight. I went down the slippery slope of negativity and for a brief moment I felt pretty hopeless.
That is why I play this song over and over and over and over again. Imagine my surprise when I found this sent to me an email by my friend, Marci and her boyfriend Ryne. (click on the words "this song" to see their performance) The timing of it all was perfect. God's timing always is, right? Don't answer that, it's a tough one.
This past summer, the adoption group I oversee hosted a concert by the artist, Plumb. I had never heard of her before. She sang "One Drop" in the set that night and when I heard it, I bawled. The lyrics captured this journey with FA so well. I thought of Marci as her voice would be great for this song. I totally forgot that I sent her a link to the song in an email. Four months later she sent me this song of One Drop -wearing  FARA t-shirts and all! They will never know the gift they gave me and the reminder that no matter how I feel, it just takes one drop of hope.
I cried tonight and hugged Barkley so tight he probably had trouble breathing. But it was just for a moment. Just long enough yet short enough of time to put FA in it's place. I can do this. WE WILL do this. It just takes one drop.
Plumb and I (and Barkley) before her concert.