This photo is random. No significance other than I love my Ddog. She makes me smile. And lately, she seems to be the only thing that makes me laugh. Delsie and Jimmy Fallon. Truth be known, I want to clone the guy. He is hilarious. But, alas, I digress.It is pretty revealing that the first thing out of my mouth is Delsie and Jimmy Fallon. What is that verse? Matthew 15:18, "But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' This may be a bit of stretch but bear with me...
Lately, I have been Negative Nelly. Debbie Downer. Boring Bertha. If your name happens to be Nelly, Debbie or Bertha take no offense. I am the one who is adorning the adjective. Me, "Happy" Holly.
I tend to go through seasons. And although I LOVE -with a capital L. O. V. E.- this season in the weather, my attitude could use some adjustment. I fully acknowledge it but can't seem to snap out of this one. So, I ride the wave of discontent and hope it crashes into the shore soon.
Lately, I have had no motivation or passion. I feel as though I am just taking up space. I retreat in my home after work and go for walks with Delsie. The good thing is that my feet aren't freezing! I am not part of anything to find a cure for FA and it's killing me. Literally. It's not often that sentence can have double meaning.
This weekend I thought I would listen to what I tell my clients and force myself to do things. A hard place to be when you don't feel like it.
Friday I hung out with a good friend all day. Totally what the soul needed. As part of my many errands that day, I stopped to get Delsie weighed and nails trimmed at her vet. One of the staff members asked me if I was Holly. I am sure she was looking for Happy Holly. For a brief moment I thought about responding, "These days it's Nelly, Debbie or Bertha depending on my mood." Instead, I nodded and given my attitude, I didn't want to have a conversation. Before I knew it, the staffer went on to thank me for speaking at an event her daughter was a part of. I had no idea what she was referring to but as she went on she got all choked up and had a hard time talking. "My daughter will remember your story forever. When she told me about it, I could tell she'd been changed. And when she talked about Delsie, I knew it had to be you. Thank you for telling your story."
Wow. Negative Nelly can make a difference?
Saturday was another gorgeous, hot day. My sisters are camping at the beach all week. Although every ounce of me wanted to veg on my couch all day, I knew it would be best for Debbie Downer to be with the family. They love me for who I am, right? One of my sisters and I decided to lay out and read by the pier. So, with her weener dog, Libby, and my black lab, Delsie, in tow we made our way to the perfect spot. Walking on sand with FA is a little bit of a challenge. Because it was the beach and hot, Delsie didn't have the walking harness on. No sooner did my sister and I take a wobbly step, did a guy dressed in Sunday attire come. He gently offered assistance and ran off. Not a big deal to him but such a blessing to us. As we were leaving an older gentleman in a cherokee jeep was watching my efforts getting back to my wheelchair. After I plopped down and began moving, he yelled out the window to Debbie Downer, "Keep it up!" with his fist gesturing in the air.
Sunday, I met some friends for lunch at a restaurant not far from my house. I decided we would walk as temperatures like that are few and far between in Michigan. On my way home I caught a SUV out of the corner of my eye, pull in an empty parking lot next to my route. I confess I turned the volume on my ipod louder and stayed focused on the sidewalk ahead. "Please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me..." I caught a lady running after my chair with a Bible in hand. Uh oh. I stopped for fear of her passing out and took out my ear buds. Shamefully, I think I inhaled. "I can't remember your name but I read about you in the paper." Should I tell her it's Boring Bertha? "I'm Holly." By this time she was crying and must have been nervous as she was shaking. "I have to be obedient and tell you this. Some people may think you are handicapped but you are not." She squatted down to awkwardly find something to write on as she had a pen. The only thing she had was a napkin as she pulled it out, another one flew across the parking lot. Her hands were still shaking and she opened her Bible. She wrote on the crumpled napkin Psalm 84:11b.
The napkin is sitting on my table. And I have read that verse every day since I met Ann. When I opened up my Bible, that is the only verse highlighted on the page.
I long for my walk to be blameless and my adjective to be Happy again. Oh yea, and a clone to Jimmy Fallon knocking on my door, would be great.
