20 seconds.

"Life only requires 20 seconds of insane courage." This quote/paraphrase came from a movie, We Bought a Zoo, I watched this past weekend. These simple words have become the lens I look through when I view life these past few days.
If I had insane courage for 20 seconds, how would my life look different?
Honestly, that scares me. And that tells me I am a wuss. I am comfortable. I have a roof over my head. Food in the cupboard. Clothes in the closet. Shamefully, a bit too many, compliments of Goodwill and friends who pass on their hand me downs. Money to pay the bills. Paycheck to paycheck. I am employed that provides insurance. I own an accessible van that enables me to get from point A to point B in my power chair. A wonderful service dog by my side 24/7 to offer assistance with the challenges of this disability. I am able to enjoy my retired service dog after she worked faithfully for 10 years. My family is close by and very supportive. All of them. I live in an extremely happy town. People are friendly.
Seriously, what is my problem?
I read this list and wonder why I feel like I am taking up space in this world. I am disheartened by my inability to make a difference in this life. My drive for comfort and not courage. It's sickening. Sad. Lonely. And certainly depressing.
"Life only requires 20 seconds of insane courage."
In 20 seconds my life could be very different.

This photo screams courage and the fight for a cure for FA.

 I can't give up.

the end.

My friend, Heather, shared a daily devotion that I could receive through email. Some days I am not in the mood to open the email or the subject of the devotion is such that I don't think it applies to me. How egotistical is that? Today's email had the subject of Desperate Enough. Yep, that's me. I am desperate. Desperate for some kind of change. Desperate for healing. Desperate for a husband. Desperate for motivation. Desperate for warmer weather. Desperate for a family.Desperate for my new service dog to be eager to please me. Desperate for affection. Desperate for affirmation.Desperate for the Bachelorette to start. Okay, I'm getting carried away. But, I am Desperate. For Something. Need less to say, this subject interested me. It seems I am desperate enough.
Although the author of this devotion used an example from parenting and her challenges with that, I forged on desperate for some encouragement.
I am so glad I did. Here's what I read when I experienced that "ah-ha" moment:
"Desperation causes people to do different things. Some people make wrong choices, believing their backs are against a wall. Some people go into hiding, hoping a problem will go away.
Yet others are desperate enough to do something risky and full of humility to get help. Sometimes God uses other people to help us, and sometimes He is the only One who has the answers.
In the difficult times we face, many of us have problems that push us to the point of desperation. It is my prayer that instead of desperation defeating you, it motivates you to seek help. Whether God Himself provides your deliverance, or He uses someone else, trust He already has a plan to help."
The bold emphasis is mine.
I should have typed I am desperate for God.
the end.
And I will trust He already has a plan to help.

Me and Barkley at team training 10-12