...just barged right in

I'm stuck inside my head today. I'm sure it's because I literally feel stuck inside the house. This Michigan Spring is for the birds. Well, not really, they must be regretting leaving the warmth of the south. I know I would. I think everyone up here is more than ready for the freedom to go outside without your nose hairs freezing together or your eyes tearing from the frigid wind.

outside the hotel in Florida- I can feel the warmth of the sun through this photo! :)

Today, I didn't need the help of the bitter air to help the gushing of tears. My bitter spirit is doing a great job in that department. Days like these in which A is certainly capitalized in FA, I long to push the fast forward button and move on.  But I lived with this long enough now that I know I just need to dive into my grief and allow my frustration, disappointment and even jealously to reside for a bit. These feelings will move on. I trust that. So, I cried this morning. No, I literally screamed and cried. And made room for the tears that fell down my cheeks. I am thankful for Barkley and his big brown eyes and wet square nose that laid by me as I threw a little fit. As I stroked his head and wept, I knew I had to allow my feelings in. They didn't ring the door bell, send me an email, tweeted or text me to let me know of their arrival, they just barged right in and took over for awhile. I am okay with that. I really am. It doesn't mean FA went away or that life will be easier. I just had to respect what was happening at the time.
Today, I am stuck in my head. FA is making my life appear a little grey or even foggy but I am not residing in this place. I know this, too, shall pass and the birds will sing with delight. I will be able to go outside without bundling up and I will be able to breathe without my nose hairs freezing. And the best part will be when I thinking NOTHING of FA. Oh, what a day that will be...until  then I'll repeat Deuteromy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." and get THAT promise stuck in my head.

a pick me up.

This therapist needs some therapy. The lack of sun and the continual rain and cold temperatures is certainly taking a toll on my attitude. In times like these, I am thankful that I live alone. The other day my sister said she was hiding in her room because she and her husband were not getting along. It was at that moment when I realized that if I am in a bad mood the only "people" I have to deal with are  my dogs and they love me no matter what. Even when I am jerk. And don't worry, I know my dogs aren't people- it was just an analogy.
So tonight I will post some photos that make me smile from my last visit to USF. These are the memories that keep me going. And give me hope for a cure!

Jo loved this photo cuz I couldn't talk while they took my temperature. I guess she thinks I talk a lot. Just another bonus that I only live with dogs!

When we arrived in Florida. I received an email that Wings of Mercy wanted to take me home. They didn't need to offer twice. Flying commercial versus private is a no brainer. And it sure didn't hurt that it was a jet!

Jo, Barkley and I inside the jet

I am so grateful for Wings Of Mercy!

Clinic #3 and Dr. Z

I think I channeled a bear and went into hibernation this past week. I opted not to spend Spring Break with my family this year as every second of vacation and sick days are spent on this clinical study. As it is, I have no more paid time off. Well, throw that responsible thinking out the window. I have been sleeping this "bug" out of my body the whole entire week and weekend. Who knew one can sleep so much?? I put any bear to shame the past 100 plus hours! While this little burst of energy lasts, I thought I'd better update the blog for the few faithful followers (say that five times fast) out there.
This trip wasn't without a few hiccups but overall it went great. Wings of Mercy had to cancel their flight a week  before. Needless to say this caused a bit of anxiety. I was blessed with a friend who allowed me to purchase tickets at a fantastic deal with the catch that every flight Jo and I were on stand by. It was an early start to the day as we arrived at the airport at 5 AM in hopes to get to Tampa. And we did!

our second flight of the trip down there- NY to FL!

Upon arrival, Jo and I found an AWESOME second hand store and treated ourselves to one of my favorite food places.

It was emotional visit for me. Everything about it. The peace I feel. The joy of the sun on me. The warmth of familiarity. The fondness of "new" friendships. The commitment to a cure. The confidence in God's plan. The whole thing.

My parents stopped by on their way down to their vacation spot for the week. It was fun to meet at USF and act like it was "no big thing" we were able to do that. COME ON!! HOW COOL IS THAT??!!! Obviously, I thought it was pretty cool.

And my reason for the visit was clinic #3 and Dr. Z and team. As usual, it was the highlight. I sound like a broken record but it is so refreshing to feel as if you play a part in the cure for FA. Tears were shared and hearts were nudged as we continue to do our part in the bigger picture of what God has painted.

Now that this bear is out of her cave, it's time to work on my next  clinic appointment in May. The month of April will be monitored over the phone. Maybe the next trip I'll return home to Spring!