questions...

I'm still able to walk. It's been two months off of Chantix. And thanks to my photographer friend, Becky, she was able to capture this "miracle" through her lens. Truth be known, I didn't know how it would go. The whole walking thing. The photo shoot was a blast. (www.beetreephotography.blogspot.com)
"Becky, don't freak if I fall. I'm use to it."
I didn't! I'm sure Becky was relieved, as was I...and quite happy.
The fact that I am still able to walk with Delsie causes me to ask some questions? Which admittedly, leads to worry and before long I am taking a ride on the slippery slope. I was awake at three in the morning with tears dripping down my cheeks. And eventually sweat seeping out of my pores...at three in the morning.
Did something switch over in my brain during the study? Did the Chantix re-wire things? Will it last? Will it get better? Will it get worse? Is this it? My life- this- is this it? FA. Will they find a cure? Am I doing enough?
Panic starts to set in. So I attempt to take a deep breath and realize this is nothing I can control. I must embrace the journey. Seek the hope. There is always hope in the journey. And these photos remind me of that.
Thanks, Becky. For that gift. I am drinking it in...and hoping for a full night of sleep tonight.
I have been on the supplement for two weeks. I am feeling like talking is easier again. I am not thinking about forming my words. And just maybe the vitamin is protecting my heart, too.
But the supplement is not the only thing that is protecting me with this FA...God totally has my back. Every. Single. Day. 3 AM or 3 PM.