it was time to say good bye.

It is hard to believe this day has come. The time that I don't see her sweet face staring out the window as I drive off to work for the day. The memory of her snoring and the sound of her paws on the hard wood floor are fading. I can still see her tail wagging as I call out to my pretty girl. I miss the brown eyes always staring at my every move. The way she could make me dry heave with her farts that came from a very fragile digestive system was impressive. She helped me face FA head on. Her intensity was a strength and a weakness. Her goal was to make my life easier. And she did.
I had to say good bye to my first service dog, Delsie, on Friday December 6, 2013. Man, those are hard words to write.
This entry is selfish. I am not going to apologize for that. I long to have a permanent record of her life. To say she changed mine would be an understatement. But she did. And so much more.
On Thursday, December 5 I attended a woman's Christmas gathering at church with all of my sisters and my mom. I work at the church so I made arrangements with my mom that she would stop by to feed Delsie before the event. I stayed at work and would meet them there. I was a little nervous that Delsie may not eat or even show interest in her food. My mom confirmed my concern when I saw her. During the program, I found myself teary as I reflected on Delsie and how much she meant to me. Looking back, I am confident that God was preparing me.
When I arrived home I knew something was up as she wasn't there, greeting me at the door. I immediately started to cry. I made eye contact with my mom as she was hovered over a heavy panting Delsie at the end of the hard wood floor hallway. My mom couldn't lift her up. Dels was too exhausted to help. I called my friend, Anna and explained Delsie wasn't doing well and asked if she would come over to help her to the family room. I knew it was time.
Anna, my mom and I sat in my family room crying. I remember, I kept saying, I don't know if I can do this.
Anna left and my mom slept over. We each made a bed surrounding Delsie that night.
The next day all three of my sisters and my dad came over. We laughed and cried and laughed and cried some more. One of my sisters called Delsie's vet and we could bring her in right then. I told my family I wanted them there. Delsie needed to know how loved she was. I wanted that love to surround her as she took her last breath.
And it did. Her head was on my lap as she drifted off. My family circled us as we sat on the floor. Through my sobs I thanked her for giving me my life back and let her know I loved her. So, so much. I always will.My pretty girl.
FA has taken a lot from me. But FA gave me Delsie. And for that, I am forever grateful.
I miss you like crazy, Delsie.