A different kind of Mothers Day.

I should know better than check Facebook on Mothers Day. It's an in my face "book" reminder of the life I thought I would have. A comparison between the world and myself. It makes me feel like everything I wished for has not come true. The reality of what is and what I want is so obvious. My newsfeed is full of people and their children. It is as if a sign hangs over my head that reads in neon letters, I AM DIFFERENT.
Honestly, a few years ago this day would have made me so mad. Anger would have reared its ugly head and cynicism would have taken root. I am not sure why but I am not feeling that way anymore. I am human so there is a sting of pain as I scroll through the photos. I feel sad as I reflect on what could have been if FA had not come into my world.
But this Mothers Day, I was able to experience a sense of freedom. If I haven't been faced with this life altering disease, I would have missed out on a lot. I would not have met some of the amazing people I met this past weekend. It is sad to think that I wouldn't have felt the extraordinary peace I experienced at USF during my neurology tests. I wouldn't have the gift of Wings of Mercy flying me and a friend to the appointments. My book is full of chapters of God's faithfulness in the little things. The weather was incredible. My friend, Sandy, who joined me on this trip, was so selfless.
 My story would be vastly different if all my wants came to fruition. Yes, I am sad that I am not a mom. At one time, I was convinced that I would be a wife and a mother of twins.  I hate that I didn't get the life I thought I should have. But I finally can say I am thankful for the one He is writing. So, so thankful. I can genuinely say I am grateful for that neon sign that hangs over my head. I AM DIFFERENT.
That difference has confined me to a wheelchair. It makes me uncertain of the future. I do have days that I want to stop fighting. My life can be overwhelming and frustrating. But I have gained so much more than I have lost. It forces me to trust. It makes me relax. It helps me to lean into the unknown. It encourages me to hope. It enables me to breathe God in and breathe him out. FA makes me want to be brave.
I am not a mom. I am different.
I have stopped wasting energy on what should have been and fight for what may be.
This past weekend was my final screening for a new clinical study at Tampa General Hospital. Next week I will spend 10 days in the hospital as I participate in a study that hopefully will further advance a cure for FA.
I was able to look through the photos of other moms and be okay with the story He has for me. I was even able to smirk at the different lives we all live. We all have a story. It's what we do with it that counts.

Outside the plane that took us to Tampa this weekend.

It's such a privilege being this dudes "mom".