Me: We did it.
Friend: It wasn't pretty but we made it.
Me: Proud of you.
This season is brutal.
We can do it.
The conversation continued as we shared our melt downs. We reminded each other to breathe. We exchanged our love for one another. And in that moment, we weren't defined by our hurt. We weren't alone in the pain. The disappointment in our lives was acknowledged but not dwelt on. We are making the choice to move forward. Whatever that looks like.
For me, it's diving into the reality that my life is not how I thought it would be. It's crying, or screaming, when doing something that should be super simple is exhaustingly difficult or even impossible. It's accepting that I am facing another loss. My life is full of losses. But I am not losing. I'm not.
It feels good to write that. I read those words and the things I have gained in my life because of my journey, flash through my mind. It's a choice. I don't always make the right one. But I know I have a choice.
This holiday season is hard. It seems to magnify everything. Family, money, time, friendships, future...most of the things that are out of my control. But the very things that I can choose better.
FA is not pretty. But I can make it. It won't be without loneliness, fear or tears. I know that. But just as I cry hard, I laugh hard. Life is hard. With or without FA.
After I finished texting my friend, I listened to a podcast with Craig Groeschel. I'm not one to pick a word for the year. This will be my quote for the year. No, not just for 2017 but my life.
"You don't have to understand the plan to trust God has a purpose."
Happy Holidays.
We can do this.
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