in His time...

It's not often that I look back on life and think of what could have been. As soon as I do that I am on what I call the slippery slope. The "what if's" consume me. I believe the lies. And I ask "why me?' The slippery slope. It's ugly. So dark, so depressing, so hopeless.
This journey has been just that. A journey. Full of questions, tears, anger. The losses were overwhelming.
When I was diagnosed with this weird thing called ataxia, I would never imagined that I would be disabled. I didn't think that my life would be done in a wheelchair. I didn't see myself as single in my 30's and no children to call my own. I certainly did not have high hopes to drive a mini van.
My dreams were a bit different. I am suppose to be living in Tennessee with my adoring husband. And after a career in teaching, I would stay home with our loving twins. A boy and a girl: Jade and Jake. My vehicle would be a JEEP to transport the kids. I'd be active in our church . Life was going to be good.
But life IS good. No, it certainly isn't what I thought it would be. But I am finally at a place when I can say that is okay. It hurts at times. Shoot, it really stings sometimes. But those are the times that I take a little ride on the slippery slope and focus on MY desires, not His.
Today the slippery slope is tempting. I am choosing to ride the tide of prayer. And acknowledge His grace, His provision, His plan.
In my plan, I never dreamt that I would obtain my masters in counseling. That was His plan. And he provided Delsie just in the right time to walk across that stage and receive my diploma. I need little reminders, like these, that He will take care of me.
Yesterday I found out that the pilot originally scheduled for my trip in January is not able to fly me to clinic. The "window" for my study at clinic is the 14th, 19th or 21st. So, I pray, trust and wait...for His plan, not mine.