USF. I never knew this place existed seven months ago and now it's a part of me. A big part of me. A huge chapter in my story.
Kind of like Freidriech's Ataxia. I had no idea this disease existed until my diagnosis at age 20. And now, I wouldn't know life with out it. Mind boggling.
Having a disability has taught me to live in the moment. I haven't always succeeded at it. Especially these past couple of weeks as I am anticipating "the end."
The end of this study. The end of private planes. The end of memories made with family and friends. The end of improving physically. Worse yet, the end of the hope of finding a cure or a treatment for FA?!
"Thanks for participating in the study, Holly. Good luck in the future."
Then USF, Dr. Z and this clinical study escapes my life as quickly as it invaded it?
Chapter done. Book closed.
The thought sends chills down my spine and my heart drops to the floor with disappointment. I am scared this book will just sit on the shelf and collect dust.
This month is my 2nd to the last visit to USF. I am in a rhythm of taking Chantix that is common ground. So common that I can even forget to take the pill. I am losing sight of the big picture. Collecting dust.
I need to regroup and "keep my eye on the prize", as they say. I have no idea what that looks like. But that is when I need to remember that I had no idea what this study would look like and now it feels like home.
God is writing my next chapter. The book isn't closed. I just have to be obedient and turn the page.
There was hope...there is hope.
And it feels like home.
Hope as home. That is a very good place.
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