Lately, I seem to be fixated on getting older. And I confess that this thought process embodies a huge amount of fear. It certainly didn't help matters this week when I was with a good friend and her daughter at Walgreen's and was asked by the cashier if I was her mom. And she wasn't referring to my friend's 2 yr old daughter either...she was pointing to my 30 year old friend. That, according to my calculations, would mean I gave birth to my friend at age 7.
Depressing. To say the least.
I have reached that point that I am no longer looked upon as a sister with my younger friends or mistaken for being in college. Most of my friends have children who are turning double digits.
Seriously. Depressing.
I am Aunt Holly who looks at my oldest nephew, Alex, with tears in my eyes reflecting on the memory of teaching him to crank his arm in the air while bellowing "whoot, whoot" when he was only 1. He's going to drive next year.
Majorly depressing.
On the way home from the bank this morning, I saw an elderly lady walk out of her home. I almost slammed on my brakes to offer her assistance but quickly realized there wasn't anything I could do. So instead, I selfishly thought about my own life. And the following came out of my mouth as my eyes were fixated on this lady completely hunched over and walking with a cane,
"Oh God, I can't live like this for that long". Fear immediately set in and I thought what life must be like for Doreen. (no idea if that is her name but it fits)
"Please. Please. Don't let me live as long as Doreen". It is clear that she can't lift her head when she walks. Her body is in a L-shape.
But the thing is, Doreen may be perfectly happy. Totally content. Completely at peace. And thoroughly enjoying her life.
And that is what I am striving for. It is true, I may not always live in that moment. But the thing about being a grandma is the fact that I have lived enough life that I can appreciate it.
Having FA is hard. But so is life. And we all live it. It's what I do with it, is what is most important.
I have been asked by my favorite peeps down at USF if I would speak during the symposium in Tampa, FL on August 26 at the energy ball for FA. The doctors who are doing the cutting edge research for FA will be there. And Wings of Mercy has once again, offered to fly me down to Florida.
So all these things that feel depressing are being molded into something that is amazing.
Just like Doreen, I will keep plugging along...
whoot! whoot! So awesome that you are speaking. Another one for the resume. Seriously, you will not believe how many wrinkles I have when you see me. 40, here we come.
ReplyDeleteT
love the post! And the part about you giving birth at 7..haha. I do have to say I would be more than proud to be your daughter and we would have had a great time together as mother/daughter only being 7 years apart! Awesome you are speaking in Florida...let me know if you need to practice your speech..I'll bring the dogs over and they can sit and listen. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is SOOOOOOO Cool that you are going to speak! Wow! I remember dreaming of moments like this with you...and here you are... DOING IT! AMAZING! I am so dang proud of you.
ReplyDeletep.s. the book is coming next.
ReplyDeleteYou're aging far more gracefully than I. Lots of kicking and screaming around here at times too. Brecken told me last week at the beach I looked like a teenager from behind, but "when you turn around, Mom, you're wrinkly and red". I'll be walking backwards from now on.
ReplyDeleteChristy