I'm stuck inside my head today. I'm sure it's because I literally feel stuck inside the house. This Michigan Spring is for the birds. Well, not really, they must be regretting leaving the warmth of the south. I know I would. I think everyone up here is more than ready for the freedom to go outside without your nose hairs freezing together or your eyes tearing from the frigid wind.
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| outside the hotel in Florida- I can feel the warmth of the sun through this photo! :) |
Today, I didn't need the help of the bitter air to help the gushing of tears. My bitter spirit is doing a great job in that department. Days like these in which A is certainly capitalized in FA, I long to push the fast forward button and move on. But I lived with this long enough now that I know I just need to dive into my grief and allow my frustration, disappointment and even jealously to reside for a bit. These feelings will move on. I trust that. So, I cried this morning. No, I literally screamed and cried. And made room for the tears that fell down my cheeks. I am thankful for Barkley and his big brown eyes and wet square nose that laid by me as I threw a little fit. As I stroked his head and wept, I knew I had to allow my feelings in. They didn't ring the door bell, send me an email, tweeted or text me to let me know of their arrival, they just barged right in and took over for awhile. I am okay with that. I really am. It doesn't mean FA went away or that life will be easier. I just had to respect what was happening at the time.
Today, I am stuck in my head. FA is making my life appear a little grey or even foggy but I am not residing in this place. I know this, too, shall pass and the birds will sing with delight. I will be able to go outside without bundling up and I will be able to breathe without my nose hairs freezing. And the best part will be when I thinking NOTHING of FA. Oh, what a day that will be...until then I'll repeat Deuteromy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you." and get THAT promise stuck in my head.
I love you. Thinking of you and always lifting you up in prayer. One thing you taught me is that strength isn't always in proving to the world that you are strong and that you can handle everything in life that gets thrown your way, but that strength is admitting when you can't go on, when your tired, admitting you need comfort, asking for help, relying on others to love you... There is no weakness in struggle. THAT my dear friend is something that was very hard for me to learn. You are strong Holly. You are a warrior, even in moments like these. The scripture you quoted is ROOTED in your spirit. And God WILL sustain you. He WILL lift you up. In the mean time, rest your weary heart in the palm of His hands and KNOW that YOU ARE LOVED.
ReplyDeletestanding in prayer for you.
love you
always,
t