In the waiting room.

I can't stop thinking about her. Last week I had an unexpected trip to urgent care. I didn't want to show up at work if I had something that was contagious. I am so bothered by people who bring their germs to work and kindly share them with the rest of us who are healthy. Seriously, no work is that important. So instead I coughed my way to the med center and found myself in a waiting room with other sickies, desperately hoping for the immediate cure.
I had a call into my family physician seeking some direction that just maybe he would call in a prescription. This would save time and another dent in my pocket to pay for medical bills. Of course I thought of calling him when I was next in line at urgent care. I was confident my doc would either squeeze me in or knowing my medical history, he would call in a "quick fix" into the pharmacy.
I moved out of the urgent care waiting room into the main lobby of the med center so I wouldn't bother the other sickies while I waited for the doctor call back.
That's when I met her.
I could see an older lady standing near the bench where Barkley and I waited. It is not uncommon for people to stare at Barkley. He is a handsome dude. Before I knew it, I was engaged in a conversation with this stranger. She proceeded to tell me her history with dogs.  She was a dog lover. Particularly black labs. I was immediately drawn to her. Her questions were energizing and certainly not annoying. Her curiosity with Barkley and my disability completely respectful and not at all patronizing. I really liked her.
As many of my friends point out, I ask a lot of questions. Call it the therapist in me but I learn a lot from people. And Jerry was no different.
She had just moved to a nearby retirement community. I asked her how she liked it. "It's a nice place but I am really, really lonely. One of my dogs died three months before I moved and because of the move, I had to adopt the other one out."
I have been wanting to get rid of my cat prior to this. I am a huge animal lover and therefore can't give her away to just anyone.
"You need my cat. She's fat but she'll keep you company." Unfortunately she couldn't. She has allergies to cats. Our conversation continued and I quickly became fond of Jerry. Although she is not dealing with FA, she is working through struggles that she has no control over. And the challenges she has, she obviously is doing something about them. It is true, I don't know Jerry's whole story. But the part of her story that I did hear in the waiting room of the med center has stuck with me.
She was real in her sadness yet not a Wendy whiner. She didn't suck me dry with her troubles but was honest and raw. I value that in people. I strive for that in my life.
The waiting in urgent care lasted an hour. My doc did call back and advised me to be seen there for my symptoms as he was unable to see me that day. Jerry's ride arrived, we said our good-byes and I headed back in the line at urgent care. Thirty minutes later I was diagnosed with an Upper Respiratory Infection. The virus needs to run it's course. I'll be fine. But it's the waiting room of  FA that makes me wonder if I'll ever be okay. I have no doubt that's it's running it's course.
I just hope I can meet more Jerry's while I'm waiting.

Phat Phoebe.

Anyone want a fat cat?.

facing the monster: not "just a"...

I'm in a weird place right now. I know a lot has to do with being down for the count for the past three weekends. And when I say down for the count, that is no exaggeration. After feeling like I was back after the whole kidney stone ordeal, I was no sooner hit with a nasty cold virus. It's just a cold, I know. But with FA nothing is defined by "just a...". Having FA is the foundation that effects every aspect of my life. The majority of my life I attempt to live it as if FA is not a part of me. But man, this past month has done nothing but remind me that living this life is hard. And I have spent a lot of time lately hating it and fearing the future. More specifically, the weekend. Dreading what is going to happen to me. Not a fun way to live.
I am continually having a one way conversation with God. I tell Him that I feel as if I am just taking up space. I remind Him for the zillionth time that I can't live this way forever. I confess that I am lonely, scared, angry, confused, disappointed. I know He gets it. That is not what I'm doubting.
It was rather timely in my Bible study of Nehemiah last week, when the speaker on the DVD began to challenge those who were bored. My living room is filled with eight incredible women who are all wives and working moms. One of the gals chuckled when that comment was made and said, "Uh, like any of us are bored!"  Like many times in my life, I wish I would have remained silent but rather I quickly responded, "I am."
I seriously wanted to fall flat on my face in the middle of my living room floor and pound my fists into the ground and kick my legs like a three year old having a temper tantrum. Fortunately, I didn't. Not only would that have been totally inappropriate but it would have been totally misunderstood. In no way am I ripping on my Bible study babes. I really think they would be right there on the floor with me. I feel that it was "just a" FA moment. Something that makes me feel so isolated in this life yet teaches me so much.
I know this life is temporary. My heart needs to catch up with my head.
It's my heart that overflowed when my sister emailed a paper that her oldest daughter wrote entitled: Facing the Monster With Her Dog By Her Side. (Great title if you ask me) The paper goes on by her writing,
"Aunt Holly is the strongest person I know. She has a disability called Friedreich's Ataxia.
My aunt always says, "Kennedy, you are beautiful. How was your day?" I always am amazed
because she genuinely cares about me before herself. She is kind, and an amazing Christian and
definitely challenges me in my faith. Aunt Holly is really the closest thing to perfect. She is the perfect example for me in my life.''

Kennedy as the beautiful freshman rep on the Homecoming  Court. And me on total drugs from kidney stones.

These words have nestled into my core when I read them. Although I feel as if I am just taking up space, I need to realize that it's not "just a"...it's so much bigger. And I am no where near perfect.

He moves stones...er, mountains.

It was bound to happen. Let's face it, my life is abnormal. I received a text the other day from a dear friend that said, "nothing is easy is it?" And the challenge these past two weeks were kidney stones.  For those of you poor souls who have endured such a hurdle, it is quite probable you let out a grimace "oooh". Believe you me, every squirm or scream is valid. Those suckers hurt. A lot.
Let's throw FA in the mix. It wasn't a pretty picture. I was a mess. Bless my sisters heart that had the pleasure of receiving the phone call as my mom was with my Grandma in Detroit.
"Christy, I hate to ask this of you." But this sentence was not spoken clearly. I more or else screamed it with my slurred speech and tears while clutching the couch in severe pain.
"Holly, what's wrong? I can't understand you. I'll be right over!" Although that was on the  verge of a scream, that was spoken quickly and very clear. Bless her heart. In my mind, she couldn't get here fast enough.
I will spare you the details. Frankly, I don't know a lot of them as this episode landed me in a 3 day stay at the hospital. I was so drugged up, even now it is difficult to piece the details together.What I do know is that kidney stones are evil. Pure evil.
And once again, I was reminded of my awesome family. I am blessed by them. Every time I think of how they love me through the crap, I cry. So, I leave it at that. I love my family.
And now I can hate another thing...Kidney Stones AND FA.
Since nothing is normal for me, I had to have surgery to get them out. Yup. Plural. And yes, they were stuck.
Barkley's first hospital stay. I think he did alright. I am so glad my family knows the whole service dog drill and hospital stays. At least, I think I am?
My poor mom camped out with me as my recovery was slow.
I am thankful no one snapped a photo of me while I was in the hospital. Well, they may have and it will show up with the photo of my hair that looks like the human brain. Don't ask.
Mom took this one while I was recovering at home. And getting the best kind of lovin' from Barkley. 

I have no lessens that have been learned from this hiccup. It was annoying. No doubt about that. But I trust He still moves mountains. And hopefully that mountain is a cure for FA . If the stones don't move, let's hope the mountain does.