seriously??!!

 I have been weepy all day. Even as I begin typing this post, I can feel a good cry brewing. You know, the kind in which your voice gets all quivery and then your eyes fill with tears. The type of cry that you have to blink the water  out and before long you are sobbing. It's at this point that you are totally unable to get one single word out that is comprehend able. That was me today and it started at a 9:00 meeting when I was asked to pray after a deeply moving talk. Okay, maybe I was the only one who was severely impacted by the words that were shared.  I wanted so badly to encourage her as I thanked Him for the work He has done in her life. I needed her to understand that it was a privilege to hear her story and I had a desire to tell her pain was/is not in vain.  I was so grateful. That's what I thought I was going to pray about. That was what was in my mind. On my heart.
And all that I could get out was, "Thanks for the reminder, God, that you always..."and then I lost it. My voice cracked. my lips quivered and the tears streamed down my face. I couldn't regain. So I bellowed out to my friend Pam who said all these things without sounding like an emotionally unstable freak. Like me. I have no shame taking full responsibility for my outburst of emotion. I was a mess.
After the meeting ended and most of those in attendance left and my tears dried, I was able to talk one on one with the person who shared this morning. I was able to thank her and hopefully encourage her a bit. All with my fragile emotions at bay. I was quite proud of myself.  Ahem, pride before the fall.
A hour later I had this email exchange with one of my co-workers whose office is down the hall from mine. The subject line read, "SERIOUSLY?!"

 I began with these words:
"PD visits when I am PMSing????????????????????

Did you hear me bawling? Oh my word."

Her reply immediately,

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA……………. NO I MISSED IT! UGH!"

My response,

"Ridiculous.

I was out of control."

 and again, immediately she responds,

"Do you ever NOT cry when you see Dan?"

Touche.

me and PD at his surprise 50th...a few years ago. :)

"PD" gets me every time.  Every. Single. Time. And I can't blame it on being a woman with crazy hormones all of the time. 

PD was that person in my life who said the right things at the right times. He was the one when this crazy journey with FA began that said to me straight in my eyes, "Holly, you can be bitter or better." Some people who read that may shake their head and roll their eyes. It may seem too cliche or a little trite. But at that moment, twenty years ago, I needed to hear it. And it changed my life forever. I attempted to tell PD that today. He played a pivotal role in my life when he spoke those words. But, go figure, I was bawling. The full on ugly cry. I managed to literally scream the words out eventually. I have to say stuff rather loud to get the words out so you can understand them over the wailing.

And yes, the tears are falling on my keyboard as I type this. Today, I am weepy. However, I hope I am better because of or in spite of FA and the PD's in my life. And the tomorrows will be a little easier.