This book I did. It came alive and I wanted more than anything to be a part of what I was reading. I think that is why I cried when it was finished. For real, I cried. And ever since I turned the last page, I have struggled. This book wreaked havoc on my journey in this life. I am questioning what God does. Hear my heart. I am wondering about the acts of God and not who He is. I still believe in Him. I remain in my love for Him. I am committed to grow in my relationship with Him. That is why I need to be okay with being baffled by what He does or better yet, IS doing. It would be appropriate to insert a quote from the book right now but I have already loaned it out. I am not sharing because I am generous like that. I passed it on to those in my circle, in the hopes that they will be messed up like me after they read it.
It was timely for me to read this as I embark on a journey with FA that is going to change my life. And I don't mean the kind of change that will make me walk. Although that would certainly be a bonus, it is not the reason I am doing this study. I want to be in the moment. The process. The story. I long to be comfortable with the questions. I desire to welcome the silence. I want to embrace the tears. I'll face the fear head on and I'll find a place for the anger.
I am messed up.
And not because I have FA.
I am messed up because I'm trying to figure out what He wants me to do because I have FA.
Although this journey isn't pretty all of the time, I'll attempt to focus on Him in my story.
We all have one.
HI!!!! Ok, I can't pass up the opportunity to read your blog. I love it!
ReplyDeleteHE wants you to do exactly what you are doing!! Fighting for a treatment and a cure. Sometimes I feel the same way...what do you want me to do with patients who have no treatment? Exactly what we are doing now!
In my humble opinion, The Good Lord doesn't cause disease and pain. That isn't possible. But he will help us out of this.
Love you,
Dr. Z
Howard. Thanks for loaning ME that book. You know darn well that I was already messed up. I'll help you out with a quote from the book, "...and slowly I am learning to live the questions, to follow the teachings of a radical rabbi, to live in an upside down kingdom in which kings are humbled and servants exalted, to look for God in the eyes of the orphan, and the widow, the homeless and the imprisoned, the poor and the sick. My hope is that if I am patient, the questions themselves will dissolve into meaning, the answers won't matter so much anymore, and perhaps it will all make sense to me some distant, ordinary day". -Evolving in Monkeytown by Rachel Held Evans. And if that is NOT the book you were referring to, don't you even think about loaning me the other two. Love you G.
ReplyDeleteHoward. Thanks for loaning ME that book. You know darn well that I was already messed up. I'll help you out with a quote from the book, "...and slowly I am learning to live the questions, to follow the teachings of a radical rabbi, to live in an upside down kingdom in which kings are humbled and servants exalted, to look for God in the eyes of the orphan, and the widow, the homeless and the imprisoned, the poor and the sick. My hope is that if I am patient, the questions themselves will dissolve into meaning, the answers won't matter so much anymore, and perhaps it will all make sense to me some distant, ordinary day". -Evolving in Monkeytown by Rachel Held Evans. And if that is NOT the book you were referring to, don't you even think about loaning me the other two. Love you G.
ReplyDelete